Life Lessons: Single Parents at RVCC

Working moms and dads find challenges and opportunities as college students

By Matt DeBlasse

I don’t even know how late it is when I pull into the parking lot. After ten at least. My daughter was sleeping when I picked her up from my grandmother’s house. Now she snuggles into my shoulder as I balance her weight on one side and the bag stuffed with books and an old laptop on the other.

After a quick glance into the car, I decide that there’s nothing else that can’t wait till morning and trudge up to my third-floor apartment. I get my little girl’s shoes and coat off and tuck her into bed, turn on the computer, brew a cup of tea and get working on my homework. It’s just a typical Tuesday night for this single-parent student at RVCC.

A story like this could be told by millions of other students across the country. It’s been estimated that more than 13 percent of college students are single parents. In community colleges, this number rises to nearly 17 percent. While exact numbers are hard to come by, based on RVCC’s student body of around 5,000, that would translate to 500-800 single mothers and fathers in attendance any given year.

Most of these men and women have to balance school, children and a job, an incredibly challenging task that often involves sacrificing time, a social life and even the thought of a whole night’s sleep.

Fortunately, Raritan Valley Community College has a lot to offer nontraditional students. There are opportunities for financial aid, day care, and flexible class scheduling that can’t be found at many four-year colleges. Raritan Valley also provides outstanding career development opportunities, and is even introducing a program designed especially for students who are already juggling work and family obligations.

Taking the plunge into college life can be more than a little overwhelming for someone already stretched to the limit by work and family obligations. Knowing that the time spent on class and study is for the best in the long run sometimes does little to assuage the guilt from spending even more time away from one’s son or daughter.

Many working single parents pursue an education to escape a low-income, dead-end job. Unfortunately, the time spent in classes often results in lost hours or the sacrifice of a vital source of secondary income. While many working parents have supportive employers who are willing to deal with a crazy schedule and the occasional day of bleary exhaustion, some bosses aren’t so forgiving. Less sympathetic employers may see the pursuit of higher education as a lack of commitment and question outright whether the employee is pulling his or her weight. Not only does this tension create an uncomfortable workplace environment, it may result in working parents being passed over for promotion opportunities in favor of more “dedicated” workers.

Of course, the universal complaint of the working single parent is about the lack of personal time. While traditional students join clubs, play sports and party, those with children go from home to work to class and back home with little break in the routine.

“I have no life!” laments Jamie, a 28-year-old single mom. But she explains that she knows her sacrifice of time and energy now will pay off in the future, when she has a career that offers more income and more time for her son. “Sometimes it bothers me,” she says, “but I know it’s only short term.”

She goes on to say that in spite of her lack of outside social time, she’s had the opportunity to make great friends in her classes and even meet outside of school for kid-friendly activities.

Divorced or separated parents face an even bigger challenge. The switch from being a stay-at-home parent to a full-time member of the workforce and sole parental figure can be incredibly jarring. Divorced students are usually older than typical college freshmen and feel cut off from the campus social circle.

Parents used to spending the bulk of the day home with their children find leaving their care to someone else particularly painful. Sandra, a divorced mother of two, describes how she would spend her days at work thinking about her children and imagining what they were doing when she was away. Like many other working mothers and fathers, she relied on her family for help with babysitting. Those without family support face an even bigger financial and emotional strain as they turn to expensive day-care centers.

Factors like lower tuition, career-based programs and flexible scheduling make a community college like RVCC the best choice for many working parents. Raritan Valley offers classes on evenings and weekends and two-year degrees that translate directly into real-world paychecks. The college is aggressively expanding its certificate and career programs in fields like biotechnology, computer science, medicine and other programs that offer graduates the chance to put their diploma to work after as little as four semesters.

The class schedules are often laid out in such a way that students with jobs and families can build their courses around their lives, instead of the other way around. The rapidly growing popularity of Internet learning programs has been a huge blessing for nontraditional students, many of who take one or more of their classes online, and may not have the luxury to do research for their classes during regular library hours.

Another opportunity in the works for Raritan Valley students is a program called the College for Working Adults. The CWA, which starts next fall, is geared specifically toward those trying to balance work, family and education. This program will offer classes in ten-week blocks that combine Friday night classes, online classes and a unique hybrid class that combines online learning with a biweekly classroom gathering.

Dr. Constance Mierendorf, senior vice president of Academic Affairs and a working parent herself, notes: “The beauty of the ten-week blocks is that they’re designed for parents who have children in school. The kids are in school before you start in the fall, and you’re done before fall break.” The spring blocks follow a similarly accommodating schedule.

Dr. Mierendorf goes on to say that the program “really has working family people in mind, which is a new concept. The degree is the same, but it’s a different delivery system.”

The first degree offered by the Working Adults program will be an A.S. in Business Administration, but other offerings may be added based on what is in demand. Dr. Mierendorf has worked on successful Working Adults programs at two other community colleges and describes them as an outstanding opportunity and very responsive to the needs of nontraditional students.

Single working parents may have a great deal to gain by coming to Raritan Valley, but it’s far from a one-way exchange. Whether a thirty-something divorced father or a young mother fresh out of high school, single parents bring a unique energy to the classroom that is appreciated by teachers and classmates alike. The experience of raising a child affects the outlook of a student like nothing else. According to Dr. Mierendorf, “Their perspective changes. They become stewards of the future, of the environment, of society.” In spite of the conflicting demands on their time, working parents are often exceptionally good students. Many of them look forward to class time and are motivated to maintain a high grade point average. A number of nontraditional students can even be found on the Dean’s List and among the ranks of the Phi Theta Kappa honor society.

While there are fewer social opportunities for working parents than for more traditional students, the college is supportive of the idea of forming a parents’ network on campus. One suggestion that has been offered is to form a Non-Traditional Students’ club, as some institutions have. Such a club would host child-friendly gatherings and provide the opportunity for parents to meet others with similar experiences. Mothers and fathers would have the chance to arrange play dates and babysitting time as well as share both the frustrations and the joys of being both a parent and a student. The Internet, of course, also provides a place to vent, share advice and meet (for example, all of the student interviews for this article were conducted by email!).

In spite of the stress of juggling work, kids and school, single parents at RVCC look forward to a brighter future.

“It is worth it, because I love learning and I will have a better job when I am done” writes Tara, a single mother in the Nursing program. Jamie echoes the same sentiment, saying: “I’m doing this so I can work less, and so we can both have a better life.”

Dr. Mierendorf adds, “You can be a better parent, too. It isn’t just for you…there are all kinds of costs, but once you achieve your goals you’re at peace, you have more to give your child.”

GPA-GREAT PARENTING ADVICE

Being a parent is a full-time job by itself; when you add college classes, it can test anyone’s sanity. Here are a few tips for keeping your head:

• Time is your most precious commodity. Make sure that when you are spending time with your child, you avoid distractions. Put down your books, screen calls or just turn off the phone altogether. Your together time should be quality time.
  
• Be prepared. Carry your books with you; you never know when you’ll have a free moment.
  
• Get your timing down. Don’t try to do homework when young children are awake, it’ll frustrate you both. Wait for nap time. With older children, you can make a point of sharing homework time
  
• Embrace technology. Online classes and research are a great opportunity for single parents. Used laptops start at around $200 and can provide the flexibility to write papers and do research on lunch breaks or in the park. You don’t need the newest and the fastest computer to run a word-processor program.
  
• Take care of yourself. Yes, you’re busy, but it’s important to stay healthy, physically and mentally.
  
• Celebrate your success. An exceptionally written paper, a good grade on an exam or even just surviving another semester is a reason to give yourself a pat on the back. For a single parent, everything takes a bit more effort, and that means your triumphs should be that much sweeter. The best gift you can give your child is a parent that she can look up to and be proud of!

Matt DeBlass